excitement. anticipation.

I want to write a post that expresses how excited I am for the next few months. I don't know how to put into words the way I feel right now, but I don't want to forget it.

This is my third pregnancy. The first ended early, before I really realized what was happening. Although it was early, it knocked me over emotionally. I didn't realize it could hurt so badly to lose something you never really had.
Pregnancy #2 was ... rough. We lost the twins at 21 weeks, in a foreign land (Indiana), right before Christmas last year. I don't wish this kind of pain on my worst enemy. I don't really like to talk about it.

This pregnancy has had me somewhat anxious. I've had ultrasounds every 2 weeks to measure my cervix, and in the beginning every single twinge of pain or anything threw me into a momentary panic. Luckily, I have a super fantastic husband who makes me relax all the time, cooks me dinners, gives me blessings, and puts up with vetoes my baby name ideas.
This pregnancy is exciting. I'm 24 weeks today, and it's finally starting to feel real. I can't wait to meet the little peanut. But, I really love being pregnant too. I secretly love wearing maternity clothes, and it hasn't even bothered me yet when people touch my belly. Yet. The best thing is feeling her move around in there. I felt the twins move a bunch, but not like this. I'm totally in awe of this little tiny person in there, moving around, taking naps when she wants, I love it. I sometimes just stare at my stomach, watching it move when she does. It blows my mind to think that it's not just hiccups or something ... it's an actual person in there. I love this time I get with her, just the two of us for a little while.

I'm just so thankful.