Without further adieu, I give you Texts Out Of Context: V1.
Have u seen them?!? Ur gonna laugh so hard an be like .... what was the point of this again?? Gah
I will just to fire him up. He seems dickish today.
You can get a faster and stronger uptake with caffeine if you take it anally.
Oh sick, maybe she has a lady crush on you.
Have fun and remember who you are. That's what my mom always says.
If you count eating a bowl of cereal, then yes.
Oh great. Gross. Are you going to have to listen to it?
Boooooo! No way to do what? Hang out and shop? Gamble? Get drunk with you?
Did you smack her? Sorry you're not feeling good.
You are nicer than me ... I'm just waiting for her dog to eat something!
I figured it out! I got herpes from that tattoo shop! Go figure!
I'm used to presents wrapped in blankets.
Dilute it or it will burn. Or take it orally in a capsule.
Yep. Way better than a tumor.
Just cleaned up the biggest blowout. There is poop on my sheets.
Ok it's locked in my office ... with my keys ...
I may or may not be using your trifle dish to make the trifle recipe I stole from your pinterest to make a dessert for a bridal shower I'm hosting.
I purposely hid it so you have to come back.
I'm not in jail ... judge forgave us. I will consider the cigarettes on a more stressful day.
Oh my hell. I would kill myself. Let me know if you need to borrow my gun.
In other news, I have this friend. Preston Pugmire. Pretty much the most awesome musician in the history of the world. And really funny. And has the cutest wife, Corine. I really wanted to hear this song of his, Helen, so I thought I would check the youtube and see if I could find it. Here is what I found:
He's famous. I knew he was famous, but he's really famous. And so great. Pugmires: Can you please meet us in San Fran in June? We'd love to see you.
One more thing. Steph sent me this. I can't get over this baby, he is the cutest thing.